I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
