1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
