I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
