i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
