I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
