one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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