We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
