Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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