i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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