based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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