I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My vagina just recognized that song.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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