see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
