we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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