once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
