You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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