If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize