oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize