Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
