I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
