I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize