do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
