Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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