I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
