I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
