if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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