Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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