God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
