Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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