bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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