And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
