There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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