I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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