then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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