I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize