Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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