Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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