we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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