I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
