Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
