omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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