then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
