he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
