Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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