You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
