Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
