Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
