We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize