you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You have to summon your inner elephant
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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