Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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