Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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