Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Your cock deserves a montage
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
