Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
