i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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