woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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