Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
