you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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