If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
