Kiss
Puke
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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