So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
