I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
