we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
