yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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