sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
