I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
