he thought i was a dude.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
