My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
