well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize