never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
True strength comes from lack of pants
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
