I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize