I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
