coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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